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About Digital Art / Student AngrySpartanFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Memaid Original :iconangryspartan:AngrySpartan 0 0 Spellcaster Part 6 - FinaL Version :iconangryspartan:AngrySpartan 0 1 Poser and Daz Stuff :iconangryspartan:AngrySpartan 0 0 Angry? Confused? I don't know :iconangryspartan:AngrySpartan 0 2

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The Soul Forge :icontheflickerees:theflickerees 422 45 The Unending Symphony of Pain :icontheflickerees:theflickerees 336 24 Replica :iconrhysgriffiths:RhysGriffiths 5,115 375 Hypnotize :iconphatpuppyart-studios:Phatpuppyart-Studios 296 26 ..::Safe Harbor::.. :iconyosia82:Yosia82 233 25 Slave :iconrambego:rambego 126 18 Master or Servant :iconxxsuexx:xxsuexx 1 0 Call of Nature :icontamarar:tamaraR 220 50 Remains of the day :iconlucifera7:Lucifera7 11 4 She's Such A Messy Girl :iconhellrox:hellrox 18 5 Mistress of Destruction :iconj-teezy:J-Teezy 53 25 Halo 3 :icongravitoni:Gravitoni 2,380 308 Sierra 117: Halo 4 :iconsmyf:Smyf 3 3 Sigma Octanus IV :icontdspiral:TDSpiral 249 53 Forerunner City :icontdspiral:TDSpiral 567 83 Life :iconharvy355:Harvy355 310 106

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#LettersIWillNeverSend

Sat May 7, 2016, 8:03 PM
  • Listening to: Seether - The Gift
  • Watching: The empty spaces
  • Drinking: Rum and coke


    I wanted to thank you everything. You asked if I thought was what I expected [meeting you]. In that moment, I answered with the first thought that came to mind. I had several hours to think about my short time spent with you on the way back home. In that time of reflection, though, I don't think my answer was at all accurate. I expected to be overly nervous and for the experience to be extremely awkward. I was. Surprisingly, I felt comfortable. You gave me a renewed sense of "something". I can't even put into words.
    
    Over the years, I felt less and less comfortable around people. You let me remember what is like to be around someone and just enjoy their time and company. It has been lost on me for so long. i could not even tell you when the last time I felt that way. You surprised me even. Yes, and I had talked about you having spent time on you and growing. However, the thing is.. people say that all of the time and honestly I didn't expect the mannerisms you portrayed. I hadn't expected you to openly talk about yourself. You've never really done that with me with me before. You even played for me, which I hadn't expected because you told me you don't feel comfortable playing in front people.

    I don't know what you expected in meeting me or for the weekend in general. For me, it was mostly about the curiosity that has held me captive for the last four years. you gave me that unnamable connection I had all but severed. You let me feel again. You made me want to be felt. We had in the past, discussed what we liked when it came to sex. You always talked about rough sex, which I hadn't experienced and was curious. I wanted to try something new. I wanted to know that I wasn't broken. I almost didn't invite you back to my room that night. Sex had become so painful that I completely stopped having it. I was scared, even. You were so kind and gentle. You kissed me in a way that I haven't been kissed since long before I knew you. You touched me. Touched me so lightly and yet I can still feel you. I didn't know how much I missed being touched or how disconnected with touch I had become. Then, it happened. You broke that barrier and took me to the mountain top. I began giggling uncontrollably, which turned into soft crying. You had for that brief moment broken those chains that I hadn't even realized were there. I may never get the answers to the questions I have, but for now, I am okay with that.

    I have known you for about four years now. Our relationship was never a solid one. It's been a week now since that weekend. I loved you back then, now, and all of the time in between when we weren't talking to each other. I know you don't feel that way and that you never did. I only ever wanted for you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. I wanted you to be able to accept the love of someone because you deserve to be loved too. Because my love doesn't require anything in return, I have never asked for yours.  I have never assumed a life together because deep down I already know you don't want that with me.



CSS credit goes to:
Stock: Dragoroth-stock, little-spacey, mimose-stock, Dralliance-Stock, Dracoart-Stock, gaiastock, CAStock
Brushes: MouritsaDA-Stock
Coding & graphics: kuschelirmel-stock

Coming full circle?

Fri May 6, 2016, 5:39 PM
  • Listening to: Incubus- Promises, Promises
  • Reading: Research
  • Watching: The world Spin Around me
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Homemade Brownies
  • Drinking: Milk


Originally Written on May 03, 2016

Here lately, I have noticed my feed overflowing with image posts about love and relationships. It’s not just one person, it’s many of the people I have friended on Facebook. This isn’t a judgement on those individuals, it’s an acknowledgement of their pain. While I haven’t felt their hurts, I have felt similar pains of my own. I consider those hurts and pains to be both a blessing and curse. 
You see, I am terrible with interpersonal relationships. I tend to freak people out and more often than not I don’t know how to make others understand that what they attribute my actions to are defined the same way. 
Love and relationships have become to mottled and perverted by our current world. Commonly, they are considered one in the same. If I said I was in a relationship with someone, it automatically assumed we are in a romantic relationship. If you try to correct that idea, all you get is, “Uh, huh. Right.” People expect love to be this grand romance between themselves and someone. It isn’t to me. I have relationships with people that have nothing to do with romantic involvement or sex. I love. I love unconditionally. Without any expectation of return, because I don’t regard love as a romantic interest.
Love is knowing a person. Love is compassion. Love is seeing the darkness in someone and not running. Love is never about hoping to spend a lifetime with someone, but being there for them in their lifetime, even if you aren't a part of it. Love is wanting for their happiness above your own.
Love isn't the way someone makes you feel. Love isn't filling some void in your life. Only you can fill that void.

I don’t give my love away freely. I don’t tell those I love, that I do love them. I don’t because of this preconceived notion of what love is. I used to think I wanted that notion too. I have resigned to the idea that not everyone is meant to be with someone. I am okay with that. I don’t mind being alone. I do miss the company of others, but alone is better than attached in a bad situation. I love me and that’s all that I need, no one else knows how to. That’s okay.






CSS credit goes to:
Stock: Dragoroth-stock, little-spacey, mimose-stock, Dralliance-Stock, Dracoart-Stock, gaiastock, CAStock
Brushes: MouritsaDA-Stock
Coding & graphics: kuschelirmel-stock

deviantID

AngrySpartan
AngrySpartan
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
Interests

#LettersIWillNeverSend

Sat May 7, 2016, 8:03 PM
  • Listening to: Seether - The Gift
  • Watching: The empty spaces
  • Drinking: Rum and coke


    I wanted to thank you everything. You asked if I thought was what I expected [meeting you]. In that moment, I answered with the first thought that came to mind. I had several hours to think about my short time spent with you on the way back home. In that time of reflection, though, I don't think my answer was at all accurate. I expected to be overly nervous and for the experience to be extremely awkward. I was. Surprisingly, I felt comfortable. You gave me a renewed sense of "something". I can't even put into words.
    
    Over the years, I felt less and less comfortable around people. You let me remember what is like to be around someone and just enjoy their time and company. It has been lost on me for so long. i could not even tell you when the last time I felt that way. You surprised me even. Yes, and I had talked about you having spent time on you and growing. However, the thing is.. people say that all of the time and honestly I didn't expect the mannerisms you portrayed. I hadn't expected you to openly talk about yourself. You've never really done that with me with me before. You even played for me, which I hadn't expected because you told me you don't feel comfortable playing in front people.

    I don't know what you expected in meeting me or for the weekend in general. For me, it was mostly about the curiosity that has held me captive for the last four years. you gave me that unnamable connection I had all but severed. You let me feel again. You made me want to be felt. We had in the past, discussed what we liked when it came to sex. You always talked about rough sex, which I hadn't experienced and was curious. I wanted to try something new. I wanted to know that I wasn't broken. I almost didn't invite you back to my room that night. Sex had become so painful that I completely stopped having it. I was scared, even. You were so kind and gentle. You kissed me in a way that I haven't been kissed since long before I knew you. You touched me. Touched me so lightly and yet I can still feel you. I didn't know how much I missed being touched or how disconnected with touch I had become. Then, it happened. You broke that barrier and took me to the mountain top. I began giggling uncontrollably, which turned into soft crying. You had for that brief moment broken those chains that I hadn't even realized were there. I may never get the answers to the questions I have, but for now, I am okay with that.

    I have known you for about four years now. Our relationship was never a solid one. It's been a week now since that weekend. I loved you back then, now, and all of the time in between when we weren't talking to each other. I know you don't feel that way and that you never did. I only ever wanted for you to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. I wanted you to be able to accept the love of someone because you deserve to be loved too. Because my love doesn't require anything in return, I have never asked for yours.  I have never assumed a life together because deep down I already know you don't want that with me.



CSS credit goes to:
Stock: Dragoroth-stock, little-spacey, mimose-stock, Dralliance-Stock, Dracoart-Stock, gaiastock, CAStock
Brushes: MouritsaDA-Stock
Coding & graphics: kuschelirmel-stock

Comments


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:iconharvy355:
Harvy355 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey thanks for the fave on [link]
And welcome to dA :)
Reply
:iconfoxglove92:
foxglove92 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the favourite! :hug:
Welcome to DA :)
Reply
:iconbayleef:
bayleef Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2005
Hiya! Welcome to DeviantArt! :wave:

If you need help with anything..

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Have a nice time here.. :D

Send jark some love as well.
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:iconjack22:
jack22 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2005  Professional General Artist
Welcome to DA! :heart:
Reply